Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
