Too much gin, very little bucket
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
