Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
