I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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