My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
