That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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