I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
