Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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