Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize