omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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