Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
