ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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