trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
