oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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