I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
