According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
