Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
