I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
