You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
