Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
