my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
