Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
