so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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