i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
