I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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