Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
