i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
