If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
