hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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