FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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