In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
