at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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