you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize