I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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