With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
