I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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