i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
