they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
