i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
