Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
