Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
