i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
