we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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