there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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