Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
