Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
