so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
