I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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