It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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