when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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