we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
