what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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