i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
