I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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