Dual....:-)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize