i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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