I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
