Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
