there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
