dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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