i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
