I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
