Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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