we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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