Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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