They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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