I wannas sexs uuuuu
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
