So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
