Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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