I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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