My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
