: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
