Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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