you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize