I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
