I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
