i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
