He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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