i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
