If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
