i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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