dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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