I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
