I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
