why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
